Saturday, January 31, 2009

A spot of 'sayang' ...


TUFFY's in the WOODS!

I'm back ... ! Unscathed even when Dog Woods froze over because of Snoopy's (she-who-would-not-be-crossed) scorn. I count myself very lucky ... had it not been for the BIG CHIEF's constant 'spot of sayang ...', I'd be one very unhappy Lord of Dog Woods!

That's what we canines at Dog Woods constantly crave (in addition to tasty morsels that is). 'Sayang' is a Malay would for affection - that's what I've been made to understand because that's what the BIG CHIEF would say whenever we sidle up to her for our share of affectionate fuss for the day. 'Are you here for a spot of sayang ...?'

And no matter how bad the day had turned out, where one had their treats snatched, thumped, jumped on, mauled, bloodily injured, poked and prodded by the Vet that 'spot of sayang' will simply make everything alright. And all those rather traumatic experiences seem to fade away like a distant bad dream and hope and optimism returns ...

We'd even turn belly-up (nothing short of lifeless, I assure you) just to show our deepest doggy appreciation. That's canine expression of ultimate trust and subservience. Even Ol' Joe - as big, scary and unpredictable as he is, would give the BIG CHIEF the 'belly up'.

With BIG CHIEF's 'spot of affectionate fussing', all's now forgiven. I'm back in Snoopy's good books and I've promised her that next that I write about her ideas I'll make sure I acknowledge her doggy brilliance! She's not called the SMART COOKIE for nothing ...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Hello ... this be Snoopy ...

Tuffy can't paw his blog right now. He's feeling a little Pulp-y (that ought to teach him a thing or two about a 'Lady's SCORN!'). But fret you not, he'd be fine in a day or two ...

Since TUFFY's last train of BOW-WOW was on 'How to train one's human' - which he stole from this SMART COOKIE, I thought I'd continue his barks of thoughts and share with you Lesson FOUR and FIVE - which Tuffy have yet to grasp ...

LESSON FOUR : How to get your Human to Massage your Back.

Let them Human's think its grooming i.e. a fur brushing session. While to us, its all about a nice, relaxing back massage ... the sort that makes your hindlegs wriggle involuntarily (yeah its THAT GOOD!).

Anyhows. This be what you do when you want your HUMAN to give you a back massage.

1. Smile. Bark enthusiastically.

2. Wag tail furiously. I have my signature - 'Rotor Tail movement' - the sort that goes in circles (like helicopter) rather than the usual wag from side to side, just for this instance.

3. Do the 'Doggy Twist'. Swing head to the right, swing head to the left ... while making sure that one's muzzle is always pointed to the bum. The idea here is to get the message across that you want your back to the scratched.

4. Use both hindlegs and kick in the air (like the Can-Can!!) or a better picture would be a wild mustang doing the balk.

5. Continue to smile and bark expectantly.

6. SAVOUR the back RUB. *Ahhhhhhh...*

LESSON FIVE : How to get your HUMAN to feed you TREATS

1. Muster the 'Look' i.e. the combination of a pitiful-woe-be-gone look and one of expectancy. In other words, the poor-little-puppy-me-sniff-sniff and I-sure-could do-with-a-treat-or-three look!

2. When Human approaches, stick front paw out. Place paw expectantly on human's foot, leg or whichever is the closest.

3. Ensure EYE CONTACT throughout.

4. When Human produces a treat (or three), bark or whine gently - that's my doggy way of saying 'Please can I have some ...!'

5. When Human asks if we want treat. 'Kiss' human gently with wet nose --> gesturing 'Yes Please ...'

6. Gobble down treat before other dog i.e. TUFFY, even gets a sniff!

Master these simple routines and I guarantee you, both Humans and Canines will be most satisfied! :)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009




They don't call me SMART COOKIE for nothing ...!

See you around PULP-y ...


Tuffy's Guide to Training your Human

These be some of the main 'tricks' that Snoopy taught me ... I hope she won't get mad when she finds out that I've taken her ideas and published them in my name. (I'd be thumped to pulp that's for sure ... good thing she doesn't blog ...). These, I thought are some useful tips on how us canines at Dog Woods train our human(s).


1. Stick head inside Human's Cage - or what they call 'House' (if not allowed inside). Whine and bark gently to get Human's attention.

2. Muster most pitiful-woe-is-me look with play of soulful eyes.

3. When human asks 'What's the matter?' (or something along those lines), smile (big toothy grin) and wag tail (the more furious tail wagging the better!)

4. Wait patiently.

5. When Human says 'let's go walk-ies...', bark enthusiastically and run ahead.

6. Bay out to other canine pack members to join in fun

7. Playfully wrestle and chase play-mates

8. Repeat until run out of 'steam' ...


1. Run up to Human and bark expectantly - better still if can muster special bark for 'Food Please!!'

2. When Human looks to ask 'What's with the barking ...?', muster most pitiful- famished-about-to-drop-on-side-if-you-don't-feed-me-NOW-look.

3. Whine moanfully to complete the effect.

4. Stand on hindlegs or Lean on Human. Stare meaningfully to REINFORCE message.

5. Gaze longingly at food as Human dishes out food.

6. Ignore jibes about weight.

7. Wait patiently for dinner bowl to be placed on ground

8. Wait to be invited to eat.

9. Don't eat!! You never know ... that might just convince your Human to give you what she/he has on her/his plate instead ... human food is DEFINITELY more tasteful than Doggy Bites. :P)


1. Wrestle, bark, make ruckus until Human decides its time to wind down for bedtime.

2. Beg Human for bed time treats ... bark meaningfully and muster most hopeful stare.

3. Gobble down treats.

4. Bark enthusiastically and resume tearing up and down space with playmate. Doggy wrestle until run out of breath.

5. Watch Human lay out sleeping mats

6. Nestle onto mat.

7. Snuggle down while Human fusses affectionately.

8. ZZzzzzz ....

Hush(-ed) Puppy(ies)

It's a famous brand of shoes - Hush Puppies (so am made to understand ...). For some reason the producers of the shoes have marketed it such they have a Basset Hound (only HALF as beautiful as myself ...) to be the 'FACE' of the brand ...

And because of their marketing success all Basset Hounds - your LORDSHIP included, are ignorantly termed as 'Hush Puppy(ies)' by our human counterparts. 'Ohhhhh a HUSH PUPPY!' (indeed!*rolls eyes*)

Let me enlighten you, gentle readers, that there is nothing HUSH-ed about this Puppy. I have such BOW-WOW Power that's enough to rile up any neighbourhood - small and large! No microphones included. That's how LOUD and THUNDEROUS my PONDERFUL barks are!!

Take for example the occasion where I took great pains in professing my undying LOVE to a certain 'Lady In Season'. I was so very much 'Dog-spired' I launched into great poetic length and volume about my Puppy Love for her that even the human legend, Omar Khaiyyam can't rival! Of course, I made sure that EVERYONE in Dog Woods and beyond (including those on the other end of the telephone line ... where-ever they were calling from) heard my glorious proclaimations BOW-WOW LOVE.

'Twas unfortunate that there ended BIG CHIEF's appreciation for my Barking Prowess. She was so incest by my never-ending voluminous Barks of LOVE (could have earned me a place in the Guiness Book of Records if she was more cooperative!) she got me a muzzle.

But ah, no mere muzzle will defeat the GREAT Tuffy, Lord of Dog Woods when he's dog-spired by LOVE! I cleverly chewed through muzzle (in no time) and resumed my glorious proclaimations of Puppy Love.

BIG CHIEF, am afraid, is also one not easily deterred. Upon discovery that I had chewed through my muzzle, she produced yet another ... muttering something about having some restful respite (even if it were brief) when I was chewing through muzzle instead of BOW-WOW-ing in LOVE.

And so the power struggle ensued. The thunderous Bow-wow-wow-wow!!-muzzle on-muzzle chewed-Bow-wow-wow-wow!! I assure you that there's nothing HUSH-ed about this canine-human confrontation. The 'tussle' went on for days ... I would have WON had it not been for losing my voice.

Much too BIG CHIEF's glee (and the neighbour's relief). I daresay, possibly also much for my own good too - since the BIG CHIEF (being at leashed ends) was planning to do something drastic about my 'Family's Jewels' - with the help of the vet. (Dog Forbid!!)
But all ends well. I'm not 'Hushed Pupp-ied' but the GREAT TUFFY, LORD OF DOGWOODS!! I've toned down a notch -now that I got the attentions of 'Lady In Season'; BIG CHIEF and my other canine subjects are happy that peace has returned to Dog Woods (apparently, I over-did it on the length and volume of Poetic Bow-wows), AND the Vet is left to practice on some other poor unwitting canine ...

Monday, January 26, 2009

Last night ...

...was a nightmare to ALL canines at large - in this particular geographic area that is - where humans are still allowed to let off firecrackers and fire works on Chinese New Year eve even if its considered ILLEGAL!

It's been nerve wrecking the last week or so - with our human counterpart merrily letting off things that go 'BANG' in the night. Mind you its just not one 'BANG' but an LONNNNGGG ARDUOUS LITANY of EXTREMELY LOUD BANGS. For a dog who's hearing is considered to be in the category of 'SUPERS' compared to our relatively deaf human (no insult intended) counterpart, those BANGS are more than any poor doggy (*whine*whine*) can bear!

Last night was the worst of the series of BANGS that them humans have been gleefully letting off. It was so bad, you'd think (even from a human visitor's point of view), that the region had gone into war. The night was not only filled by loud scary noises but also bright sparks and billowing thick smoke.
...'twas enough to make Trixie (our champion guard dog) want to climb the fence. I kid you not! She was already half wear up the fence in fright when BIG CHIEF caught her! The poor girl was even more terrified then we were. I suppose I was relatively lucky in a sense my ears are of the long floppy kind, so it acts as a protective muffler of sorts ... It was unfortunate that Trixie perky sharp ears (that could hear a pin drop) offered no such 'protection' that night. Her ears was tweaked back in fright ... Everyone at Dog Woods was petrified, sidling up to BIG CHIEF when she came to check on us imploring her with our pitiful whines and woe-be-gone-poor-is-me look (I dare claim I'm one of the best at that LOOK) to make the BANGS go away. But there's only so much the BIG CHIEF can do ... she assured us it'll be all over soon enough. But sometimes 'soon enough' can feel like a doggy lifetime!
We're all relieved we survived last night relatively unscathed - just a little ringing in the ears ...

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Fatherhood: A pictorial account

Like any proud Father, I have tonnes of pictures to share ... I'd be careful of course, so I won't bore the bones out of my gentle readers (be glad the BIG CHIEF lost the batch of earlier Furkids photos i.e. from their 1st and 2nd months! Else I'd have even more to show!)

I daresay that playing an active role as a Father to my Furkids is possibly one of the hardest and tiring thing I've ever done! At that age, they are compact little furballs of energy, being all over the place, all at once ... and just watching HALF of NINE of them wears me out! How on earth does Anna manage all NINE single-pawly miffs me ... She's definitely more than amazing!

Admittedly, there have been times when them Furkids drive me me barkers! Like a herd of stampeding wilderbeast (believe you me, its mostly like the Serengeti at Dog Woods these days!) all NINE smother me with their energetic enthusiasm. And in the wriggling melee of it all, I've been shoved, tugged, licked, jumped on, kicked, nipped. Their intentions are good - to shower me with affection. But the execution really leaves much to be desired. My time to snooze is limited, I can't even walk straight without tripping over a few of my furkids, even my treats have been sharply reduce now that there are extra NINE pups to share with!

Furkids and their ambitious collaborative project - to dig to China!

Furkids with their Mom - resting under the shade

The furkids up to their usual mischief - watched by their aunt Snoopy

Yet, I won't have it any other way ... my furkids, as rambuctious and mischievious, bring us (I speak also for the elder canines of Dog Woods) much joy and and myself - much status!

The irony of it all is that as trying and tiring as they are, we (Anna, Snoopy and myself) be even more worried if they were quiet and good for the day! Something must be terribly wrong then ...

Tu-Na FurKids

On a happier note, let me show you some photos of my Fur Kids.

Newborn Tu-Na Furkids and their proud but tired mom

They were born on the 22nd June 2008 - the momentous nocturnal moment that defined my rise to TOP-DOGhood! Can't say I take credit for everything ... had it not been for Anna, I would still be Dog Woods clown. No dog or human took me seriously then - not even BIG CHIEF, even when I was displaying my most ferocious bawl and chase.

Three weeks old Tu-Na FurKids, eyes newly opened - learning how to walk ...

A month old Tu-Na FurKids, learning how to eat out of the bowl

Anyhows, they - the Fur Kids are collectively and affectionately known as Tu-Na Pups. Nothing fishy about it, just an ingenious combination of my Lordly name - Tuffy and Anna's. They were later given individual names, but in the first couple of weeks they - the NINE pups, all looked alike, black and brown markings (what do you expect from faternal twins!), blind and deaf (don't worry, its not a birth defect ... all puppies are born that way for 'safety' reasons), floppy and soft (bones have yet to strengthen) ...

I wasn't even allowed to come close without her giving me the 'fangs' - (don't mess around with a Doberman's fangs!) Female dogs at that time of their lives are apparently are really grouchy! Honestly, Anna would give me that LOOK and I'd yelp!
BC explained that Anna was just being protective of the puppies that's why she's given me the 'FANGS'. But for some reason though, Anna was OK with BIG CHIEF spending time with her and the puppies ... You can't blame the Canine Dads for not knowing their furkids. Even willingly caring Fathers (like myself) who want to play an active role in raising Fur Kids don't even get VISITATION RIGHTS!

But I have to say, Anna was incredible at taking care of NINE puppies. And every single one of them survived ... well touch food, so far that is! A 100% survival rate amongst us canine breed is a are thing! How's that for another record breaker ...

I suspect it's got to do with all the special yummy bits that the BC had been feeding Anna before and during the puppies first few weeks ... pity, BC only gave me a sample taste ... I sure could do with more!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Doggy Shower

Those two words strung together in the human point of view usually means some kind of party to celebrate an occassion, which usually entails much food (*drool*), a chosen crowd of people and presents (more food?). Them humans have more than many occasion to throw showers, birth of new baby,newly engaged, newly divorced, even moving in a new house is an occasion to throw a shower!

Unlike the human happy occassion of 'showers' (cleansing rituals included), the term 'doggy shower' - two simple words strung together usually means the dreaded shower i.e. being tied to a pole (so we can't run away), having to bear the chilly waters (brrrr!) and worst of all being shampoo-ed or soaped ... which usually means a thorough scrub down by the likes of BIG CHIEF so we (canines) come off smelling horridly sweet *bleah!*

The BIG CHIEF obviously doesn't appreciate the art of yours-canine-ly acquiring that certain 'doggy eu de toilette'. Our signature is our smell i.e. 'Tuffy the GREAT was and is here to stay!'. The stronger the fragrance, the better! It's how one exerts dominance, maintain and extend one's terroritories (why do you think I spend so much time watering the telephone poles?!?).

Unlike the human conveniences of smells-that-come-in-a-bottle (they call 'em parfum or some sort of fumes ...), our signature doggy aroma (no canine smell is alike) is an art which each dog take great pains to cultivate and nurture over time. It's similar to the human process of baking a cake. A little bit of this, a little bit of that, stir them all together and wait...

Likewise, a signature smell is a collection of smells, some from the watery leftover of the yellow and blue rubbish truck that I chase every Tuesday and Friday mornings, bits from a patch of grass over in the corner of the garden, some sand, some soil, something dead, something alive, something yummy ... all that put together (in various different proportions and time frame) and voila have together a personalized signature smell! Tuffy, TOP DOG, Lord of Dog Woods.

A good bake or cook that cannot be hurried (so the BIG CHIEF tells me all the time), likewise, a good doggy aroma needs to be simmered and stewed ...

And when BIG CHIEF comes along and decides that we all need good scrub down so we'd all be uniformly sweetly smelling (YUCK!) of some horrid dog shampoo she bought somewhere it's a huge canine disaster for any dog in Dog Woods. Its a gross encroachment to a Canine Liberties to SMELL, I say!

Despite being 'Smell-Less', I dare say the scrub down was rather invigorating. The BIG CHIEF sure knows how to give a good massage ... I like best being towelled dried ... but shhhh! don't tell her I told you so ...

Dog-Forbid she'd get ideas of showering us lot daily!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

A NOT so Happy Chinese New Year ...

In my neck of the woods the humans of different 'breeds' celebrate the new year at different times of the year. The English New Year falls on the 1st of January, while the Chinese and Muslim New Year seems to shift from one month to another, throughout the years.

Usually all new years are filled with much human fanfare and celebration - we canines, of course benefit from all that over eating. There's usually lots of leftovers and almost always these scrumptious ever so delectable leftovers almost always come our away! '(Just thinking about yummy leftovers is making me drool ...last Christmas we had Turkey! *slurp*drool*....)

I digress!

The Chinese New Year which I am made to understand by BIG CHIEF will fall next week (that explains the hustle and bustle the house's been in lately). I have to admit, the Chinese New Year celebrations is not and never will be a happy occassion for most dogs...

We are petrified, mortified, terrified by all that LOUD exploding fire crackers and fireworks that most humans play at the time of the year!

It's no joy. Have incredible hearing abilities like ours and you, gentle human readers, would understand why we're having a miserable time. Our ears, perky or fashionably floppy (like mine) can detect sounds that are too faint for the human ear, and can hear sounds pitched at frequencies above and below a human's range. We also have the ability to pin point the exact origin of the sound, discriminate between sounds and make a accurate interpretation of the sound, and decided whether it is threatening or non-threatening..

And all these threatening explosions ... how on earth do humans even begin to fanthom that as a kind of festive 'play'?! Am told (by BIG CHIEF) its believed to scare evil and bad luck away ...

What a load of HUMBUG! Get a dog and all our tenacious barking will do the same - minus the element of danger and threat to owners ...

Anyway, it's not good to rain on BIG CHIEF's parade. She after all has always been generous enough to include us in all festivities (yum...) but really, I speak for my pack and all other dogs at large, that we can't wait for this New Year to be over - our poor ears ...!

Someone should invent dog ear plugs - just for the chinese new year! Perhaps then, we'd won't be so miserably terrified ...

Monday, January 19, 2009

Barking Order

To be TOP DOG - like myself, one has to have a pack to be TOP DOG of. In most thick of the woods, a pack of five should give any top dog some kind of princely conqueror status. But here, in Dog Woods, which I am Lord of, I run a pack of THIRTEEN! (No such thing as an unlucky number 13 for amongst us canines...) That record number of pack members simply elevates my TOP DOG status to a sort of glorious canine emperor of the realm.

In barking order, here are my subjects:-

1) Anna the Doberman and Snoopy the Basset Hound

This is a tricky one. I can't really decide which of the two take 'Second command'. They are both equally smart, sassy and adorable. Anna the tall, sleek, dark, leggy Doberman is the mother to my offsprings while Snoopy my fellow Hound, is cuddly rotund, in the cutest sort of way. She's always been here for as long as I can remember. Infact, she was the one who showed me all the tricks of the trade esp. in how to get the BIG CHIEF to feed us additional treats!

2) Then there's Trixie - another adoring fan of mine. She's the Belgian Malinios, fawn and furry, very very quick on her legs. She's probably the fastest dog in Dog Woods and chasing motorbikes is her pet pastime.

3) Ol' Joe of course, former Alpha male of Dog Woods. He's still as intimidating as ever (and I admit I am still a little wary of him - I was once upon a time ago, the underdog of the realm) I suppose all Rottweillers are. But ever since the puppies came along, he's sort of honorably relinquish his top dog status. Its not about brawns anymore its all about conquering via progeny!

Now you'd all be wondering, why my pack is mainly made up of so many beautiful female canines. It's simply because babes fine me irresistable! A 'Grrrowwwll' and *wink* and they start licking me in show of submission. The BIG CHIEF has declared that I'm the woods Casanova ... which is a good thing of course ... else I wouldn't have fathered...

4) My nine puppies.
All six males and three females! There's Tubby (Jr.), Wally, Dexter, Baxter, Pinto, Brandi, Eva and Zsa Zsa.

More on them in my later posts. I've hit my maximum in photo uploads!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

These paws ...

Now... you gentle readers might all be wondering how on earth does a dog blog especially when they have paws instead of hands. And pads instead of fingers.

Simply with my fantastic powers of telepathy, I am able to exert some mind control on the BIG CHIEF (without her even knowing about it), dictating to her my take of the day, demanding a written record. Thus, ensuring that my every glorious movement, bark, wag or lick will forever be recorded in this digital tome. It's what most great rulers of history would eventually do in within their reign - commission scribes, artists to create a great book depicting their glorious achievements of their realm!! And I, Tuffy (the GREAT) is doing just that!

I jest of course, thanks to my wonderful sense of dog humour ...

In truth, although I'd like to have telepathic, mind powers especially over BIG CHIEF (why waste it on a blog when I can get her to feed me and me ALONE, ALL her yummy table scraps!?!), I actually paw out my blog. Yes, like all of your bloggers out there, literally and enthusiastically pounding the keyboards with your human fingers. In my doggy case, these fantastic-well-manicured (thanks to BIG CHIEF over enthusiastic grooming) paws.

I am after all, an extraordinary Basset Hound -on top of being Alpha Male and Lord of Dog Woods!

Since we're on the subject of my wonderfully accomplished paws, let me list out to you what my paws can do (in addition to blogging):-

1) Paw

2) Push or Shove other doggies in my way - especially useful during meal times.

3) Open doors, literally!

4) 'Shake paws' with humans - its unbelievable what a mere simple gesture of giving my paws can do to any human! I am endeared almost immediately ... its especially useful when you want a human to give you a treat ...(which explains why the BIG CHIEF sometimes refer to me as 'TUBBY').

I could go on and on about how wonderous my paws are but I shan't bore you, dear readers, any longer with such dogmatic details. There is after all, a certain allure in leaving the rest (of what my fantastic paws can do) a mystery. ;)

If Dogs Could Blog ...

'Arf! Arf!' ...ask any dog and they will tell you (if they could speak and write in English like me) that that's 'Hello! Glad to see you!'

I go by Tuffy, by the way. That's what the BIG CHIEF calls me. I daresay I've rather taken to the name. You know how humans believe that one grows into a name or the name grows on one (err...hmmm...), but my point being, a dog called Tuffy i.e. yours truly, is one not adorably cute but also extraordinarily intelligent - as evident from this blog!

No one exactly knows my actual birthday (not even the pet shop I came from)but according to the dates on my vet's card, I'm about two and a half human years old. That translate into 25 Basset Hound Years (This One Human Year to SEVEN dog years really is relative ...).

And what have I achieved in those years apart from being champion eater, sleeper and lounger ...? Being a Father to NINE puppies. How's that for size?! And from my progeny, I'd ensure I'd live on forever and thus my empire of Dog Woods and beyond will be always be secured! (muahahahahaahaha!!!)

Well ... admittedly not quite in my present form (dogs have their mortal coil to shuffle off too, you know!) but at least my genes pool will still be swirling about. With NINE offsprings genes like mine would be hard to snuff out!

Now that my human readers is the ULTIMATE achievement of any male dog. And I daresay a dog as smart and good looking like myself have got it made at such young age too! Talk about capable, macho-stud-muffin...

And mind you and NOT every male dog actualizes such ultimate goals ... Look at ol' Joe the Rottweiller. He used to be the alpha male of Dog Woods and since its a well known fact (which am not very proud of), I once used to be terrified as in petrified-to-the-point-of-not-being-able-to-move-a-whisker because Joe used to attack me (so I took his bone ... but that's not a good reason to jump on another dog!), but since my offsprings came along Joe's somewhat awed by the fact that there are now not one but TEN of me(s) to reckon with. First important lesson which I took the pains to ingraine my wee ones is to bark as ferociously at Joe whenever they see him and boy, all my kids sure do me proud!

Now that's definitely some esteem boost. Since then, I've found my loud, proud baying voice - the sort that annouces to the entire neighbourhood that 'Tuffy's-in-the-Woods! (Basset hound's specialty is baying by the way. We have a knack of being able to run and bark at the same time. It's equivalent to a human's ability (or lack of) of eating and talking at the same time - without choking of course!)

Anyway, enough for now. I daresay all this blogging is making me rather hungry ... I wonder if BIG CHIEF has anything up her sleeves ...*smack lips*