Hello ... this be Snoopy ...

Tuffy can't paw his blog right now. He's feeling a little Pulp-y (that ought to teach him a thing or two about a 'Lady's SCORN!'). But fret you not, he'd be fine in a day or two ...

Since TUFFY's last train of BOW-WOW was on 'How to train one's human' - which he stole from this SMART COOKIE, I thought I'd continue his barks of thoughts and share with you Lesson FOUR and FIVE - which Tuffy have yet to grasp ...

LESSON FOUR : How to get your Human to Massage your Back.

Let them Human's think its grooming i.e. a fur brushing session. While to us, its all about a nice, relaxing back massage ... the sort that makes your hindlegs wriggle involuntarily (yeah its THAT GOOD!).

Anyhows. This be what you do when you want your HUMAN to give you a back massage.

1. Smile. Bark enthusiastically.

2. Wag tail furiously. I have my signature - 'Rotor Tail movement' - the sort that goes in circles (like helicopter) rather than the usual wag from side to side, just for this instance.

3. Do the 'Doggy Twist'. Swing head to the right, swing head to the left ... while making sure that one's muzzle is always pointed to the bum. The idea here is to get the message across that you want your back to the scratched.

4. Use both hindlegs and kick in the air (like the Can-Can!!) or a better picture would be a wild mustang doing the balk.

5. Continue to smile and bark expectantly.

6. SAVOUR the back RUB. *Ahhhhhhh...*

LESSON FIVE : How to get your HUMAN to feed you TREATS

1. Muster the 'Look' i.e. the combination of a pitiful-woe-be-gone look and one of expectancy. In other words, the poor-little-puppy-me-sniff-sniff and I-sure-could do-with-a-treat-or-three look!

2. When Human approaches, stick front paw out. Place paw expectantly on human's foot, leg or whichever is the closest.

3. Ensure EYE CONTACT throughout.

4. When Human produces a treat (or three), bark or whine gently - that's my doggy way of saying 'Please can I have some ...!'

5. When Human asks if we want treat. 'Kiss' human gently with wet nose --> gesturing 'Yes Please ...'

6. Gobble down treat before other dog i.e. TUFFY, even gets a sniff!

Master these simple routines and I guarantee you, both Humans and Canines will be most satisfied! :)