Bark-ology 101

As oppose to what most uninformed humans think, we canine are really an expressive, affectionate and loyal bunch once you get to know us better. It's all about understanding our doggy-language. I know its all 'woofs!' and 'arfs!' to most humans - meaningless 'NOISE' - but really it's not all about the WHAT(s) of our BARKS but the HOW our barks are conveyed!

In doing so, the LISTENER must ALSO take into consideration:-

a) TONE and MANNER of UTTERANCE - high pitched? medium pitched? low pitch? growls? whines? whinge?
b) the TAIL TANGENT - positively vertical, horizontal or negatively vertical i.e. tucked under?
c) MODE OF TAIL WAG - rigourously enthusiastic? somewhat nonchalant? cautiously reserved?
d) the EAR RIFFLE - perky? tweaked back? cocked? laid back?
e) the MOUTH MOVEMENT - jaw-relaxed-tongue-lolling? jaw-clenched-muzzle-scrunched-fangs-showing? mouth-closed-tongue-out-of-sight? mouth-pursed-like-a-human-pout?

For example, in real life my 'Arf! Arf!' Greeting - that I've already translated into Human language in my first entry as 'HELLO!!'is usually accompanied with a) Medium Pitched tone with b) positively vertical tail tangent coupled with much c)rigourous enthusiasm of wags d)laid back ears e) jaw relaxed tongue lolling pleasantness.

I know, having to take those variety of factors into consideration while deciphering our barks may seem terribly complicated at first, or rocket science to many...But really, once you're accustom to our expressive doggy-language i.e. tone of bark, tail tangents, wags, riffles and mouth sector its all rather easy-peasy ... I must say it all boils down to one's power of observations! While I dogmatically think learning ENGLISH is WAYYYYYYYY HARDER to master (I doggily doubt such language is ever master-able!) ... all those grammatical rules and EXCEPTIONS!! Admittedly its really all quite mind boggling even for this brilliant Basset Hound - Lord of DOG WOODS!!

This ends my rather educational entry for now. Stay tuned for more insight on this wonderful world of Canine-ism - in particular, the intrepid brilliant, handsome dogs at DOG WOODS!